Mission To Mars
USA - 2000
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Movie Review By Monica Sullivan
“‘Mission To Mars’ is ‘Showgirls’ BAD!” exclaimed one tall woman as she stormed out of a preview screening on a dark & rainy night. But I disagree. For some viewers, “Showgirls” might have seemed funny after the 99th beer on the wall. “Mission To Mars” never will. From the studio that gave us the abysmal “Black Hole” in 1979, “Mission To Mars” is actually worse. It makes the space program in 2020 look about as advanced as the spaceship clapped together from junk in the garage by kids on any block in l92O. Worse yet, it’s hokey, as in made by someone who watched “2001” 2001 times when it was projected upside down and backwards! Oh, and did I mention that the print at the AMC Kabuki theatre had more sound glitches than all the movies I’ve ever seen in my whole life COMBINED!
I asked a theatre employee why? He didn’t know why, but blamed the print. I asked a publicist why? She didn’t know why, but blamed the theatre. I moved to the back of the theatre to watch the procession of disgruntled audience members walk out and never come back. For the first time in recent memory, I actually heard the stalwarts who stayed BOO a complementary screening! By then, I was ready to come up with a Catherine Did It report ala “Basic Instinct,” but I decided to stick with unimpeachable facts. Brian De Palma did it. Gary Sinise, Tim Robbins & Jerry O’Connell do their careers no good at all by playing astronauts in it. Don Cheadle is excellent as always. Armin Mueller—Stahl can be seen all the way through this turkey without credit which is the choice everyone else should have made, especially the screenwriters. Product placement is courtesy of Evian Mineral Water, Dr. Pepper & M & M’s. “Mission To Mars” aborts nationally this week.
© 2000 - Monica Sullivan - Air Date: 3/8/00
