Hardware (first ever Headbanger Review!)
UK - 1990
(Note: A BLAST FROM THE PAST!! The first ever Headbanger Movie
Review by Mad Prof. Mike)
HARDWARE has got to be the most derivative Sci-Fi flick to come
out in that last decade. It's a shame, too, because in among the drek
are elements of a true headbanger classic. Punk godfather Iggy Pop acts
as a kind of mutant Greek Chorus; Lemmy of Motorhead has a hilarious
cameo as a disgusted cab driver lamenting the good old days when you
could walk the streets safely with a switch blade or brass knuckles.
Also thrown in are GWAR, and Al Jourgenson's shock-attack band, MINISTRY
screeches and clangs on the soundtrack for a good three minutes of
screen time.
What ultimately kills HARDWARE is that it's too damned hip for its
own good. The plot--such as it is--goes something like this.... Hero
finds head of killer android in junk shop. Hero gives head to
metal-sculptress girlfriend. Head comes alive and builds itself a new
body. Head and body kill people for rest of movie. Now, this is a
perfectly fine plot for the kind of "no brains, no pains" movies that I
adore. But writer/director Richard Stanley got his start in music
videos, and he brings the same slickness and precision to HARDWARE, thus
ruining the movie.
The medium is the message, after all. And Stanley's ultra-fast
editing, pyrotechnic lighting and camera tracking are all just too
damned fancy for this kind of junk food for the brain. It's sort of
like eating Cracker Jacks from an engraved sterling silver platter from
Tiffany's; you really can't dig in and get your fingers dirty. HARDWARE
would still have been an OK movie if it did not steal so shamelessly
from other (much better) Sci-Fi movies and novels. The film is stitched
together like a Frankenstein's monster--chunks are stolen from Phil
Dick, George Orwell, J. G. Ballard and Rex Miller. The android looks
like THE TERMINATOR, hunts like the PREDATOR, and is photographed like
the ALIEN.
At times, the multi-layered level of plagiarism in HARDWARE
becomes surreal. Suspense is built up as the android stalks our
unsuspecting heroine by quick cutting to other horror movies that she
watches on TV while flicking channels. Later, she tries to communicate
with the android via computer in a scene ripped off from Roger Corman's
rip off of ALIEN, FORBIDDEN WORLD.
HARDWARE is not so much film making by the numbers as it is film
making by collage. As a movie experience, it's like chewing gum you've
left on your bed post overnight; what should be a guilty pleasure proves
to be ultimately flavorless. (NOTE: No headbangs given, as I had yet to
start awarding Headbangs! "I was so much older, then. I'm younger than
that now.")
© 1990 - Michael Marano - Air Date:
9/90
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