Event Horizon
USA - 1997
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Movie Review By Pete Dunn
I consider you, the listening audience, my friends out in radioland. As your "friend" I think it's my duty to watch out for you, to make sure you don't do anything deleterious to your health, or your sanity. It is in this capacity that I speak to you today. There is a movie that has opened recently. It is called "Event Horizon." Why it is called that or what it means is really irrelevent, and I implore you not to spend any time asking questions like these. As your friend, I've already done that for you.
Now, I want you to listen to what I have to say very carefully. Do not see this movie. I repeat, do not see this movie under any circumstance. Do not see it in a boat, do not see it in a moat. Do not see it in a plane, do not see it on a train. Do not see this movie.
The plot in a nutshell is...oh, wait, I apologize...there is no plot to this movie. However, the story that I think they try to tell takes place 50 years in the future and is about a spaceship called the Event Horizon that has been lost for over seven years. Then one day, poof!! Like magic, the ship shows up orbiting Neptune. Lawrence Fishbourne and Sam Neill lead a rescue expedition to the ship. On the ship, strange things happen, including hallucinations by the rescue team and mysterious ship malfunctions. The only remnant of Event Horizon's original crew is a ship's log with a Latin quote translated as "save me."
I could tell you more of the story, but as your friend, I am not a sadist and would not dream of subjecting you to the same torture that I endured watching this film. The charactors in the movie are people that nobody could or should care about. They are shallow, undeveloped, and transparent. The script is so poorly written that I kept laughing at the pure inanity of it.
My friends, the worst part of this movie is the pretty package that it comes in. The set design and special effects are nice, but this is the film studio's attempt at disguising that present you really didn't want in nice wrapping. Please, for the health of you, your family, and everyone else connected in your life, don't be suckered in -- don't see this movie.
© 1997 - Pete Dunn - Air Date: 08/97
